Scene: The High Court of Common Decency Presiding Judge: Lady Justice Bottomley Defendant: Lord Privilege von Gaslight, MP for Smugshire Prosecutor: Mr Hickman, Champion of the People’s Posterior
Judge: “Mr. Hickman, you stand accused of indecent exposure and aggravated flatulence. How do you plead?”
Mr Hickman (rising slowly, with theatrical gravitas): “Your Honour, I plead gloriously guilty. But let the record show: it was a tactical toot.”
Gaslight (still dazed, cheeks parted like Moses at the Red Sea): “He weaponised his working-class wind! I demand reparations—and a wet wipe!”
Mr Hickman: “I merely responded to provocation. The accused smirked and declared I spoke out my arse. So I gave him a live demonstration. One cheek either side of his face, and justice was served—hot, loud, and ethically sourced.”
Judge: “And the defendant passed out?”
Mr Hickman: “Like a Tory at a truth rally.”
Gaslight: “I was assaulted by a proletarian idiot!”
Mr Hickman: “You were humbled by the might of methane democracy.”
Judge (banging gavel): “Case dismissed. Let it be known: in the face of privilege, sometimes the only answer… is a fart.”
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